Just a few observations... And this will be the last about death (for a while)... Because I come from a small family, it wasn't until I was well into my 30's that I had ever even gone to a wake, funeral or (human) burial. I know now that I was spared much grief that others, with many older relatives weren't. But I did come to learn that this kind of loss is like a chain... Each sorrow links to the one before. When someone you love is taken from you - There's always the reminder of who has gone before. I know mourning now... I miss those who aren't with me. When their deaths happened, I cried the tears, felt the sadness (and rage) at all death. But then the mourning always seems to find a place, somewhere in the heart and mind. It is there that peace is found and the living can get on with life once more.
This was not the same kind of grief I had when I became aware of the horrible mistreatment, deaths, killings, slaughter and murder of animals. This was a much different, heavier loss, and anger. I was so disappointed in myself for not realizing my part in the
betrayal to animals sooner! I found it as sickening to know I'd been an unwitting accomplice to treachery than the vile acts themselves. The double lie magnified the evil of it all. I saw in each new day how the world "blessed"
the most unholy practices done to animals. The world (my world) had become an unfamiliar and hostile place. And in this way, it was a challenge to find
that peace to put things in perspective - in the time-frame considered
acceptable to experience grief.
The transition from grief is gradual, but inevitable. Over time the raw reality and pain of loss begin to heal. There is the eventual consolation that "what's done, is done." But with the grief I felt over the killing of innocent animals it wasn't ever,
isn't ever,
just so, finished and passed. The regret in their deaths is always felt original in it's source.
It's because everyday the holocaust on animals, is a relentless repeat of the last. It's the un-funny version of
Groundhog Day. How many animals captured? Caged? Confined? Mutilated? Euthanized or butchered? In the beginning, this new knowledge as to what specific, outrageous, unthinkable, monstrous acts were done to animals, had me startled from my sleep, with an urgency to find out what happened overnight. What damages were done while I found sweet relief from harsh troubles? Was it a
puppy mill found starving dogs? A
lab accused of beating their "subjects"? Did another
warehouse full of pigs or chickens go up in flames? What
circus was caught brutalizing elephants (again)? And ever present, was always the institutionalized
"humane" killing of the docile farmed animals... And the spin from the industry that does such.
Aside from my resolve to not partake in these atrocities and to speak out against them at every turn - I also felt a compelling need to ally with others who did the same. I
had to align with those advocates who were trying to reach me, while I was still in my safe bubble of ignorance. I wanted to say "I'm here. I'm here! I'm not blind, numb or emotionally dead anymore"! These people, strangers before, became my support. I wanted to be theirs as well... They became my soul Sisters and Brothers. My Comrades. My Family.
And so to this Family: In the depths of my deepest despair- whether on-line or not... Knowing you has made all the difference in the world to me. My burdens are lessened. My tears are not spilled without comfort. Through the darkest place my consciousness has ever been - I found friends... I found hope. It would have been unbearable to carry on (another "Groundhog Day") without YOU!
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